A few years ago, a homophobic parent to a teenager who was close friends with my teens accused me, loudly, with spite and to all common friends, of contributing to why their daughter had “decided to be gay”. She had apparently come out to her parents, who’d missed about a dozen signs I’d spotted in the short time I’d known her. I was verbally castigated and hated on and literally blamed, as though I had flipped a switch in their child. I told them sure, I had told my daughter what was happening when puberty hit in confusion and that however her sexuality blossomed and whoever she grew up to love would in no way affect how I loved her or how proud I was of her. And yes, my daughter had passed that perspective along to her friend (innocent it turned out later, platonic but I wouldn’t have cared either way) which may have contributed to how courageous the girl had been telling her parents. But, the spiteful hate-filled spitting parents completely missed my point, and were positive I personally was the evil creature who, by words alone, had perverted their child. They really couldn’t have handled it worse. They forbid the innocent friendship with my daughter, shunned their daughter, punished her, grounded her, and even tried to therapy it away. The girl is now estranged from her parents and living across the country from them, surviving on her own at nineteen, going on five years of no parents, but apparently wrapped up in the community out there and doing okay. I worry about her sometimes. Her parents still haven’t pulled their heads out of their asses. I may never understand it, or how you could go so angry-stupid in the face of the most important moment in your child’s adolescence. So, those of you with kids, remember to love your children no matter what. You may think you know who they are but if they surprise you, be kind. Your relationship with them isn’t a given. You can burn that bridge by forgetting about acceptance, forgiveness and love.

Aug 9, 2018 at 7:49 PM
A few years ago, a homophobic parent to a teenager who was close friends with my teens accused me, loudly, with spite and to all common friends, of contributing to why their daughter had “decided to be gay”. She had apparently come out to her parents, who’d missed about a dozen signs I’d spotted in the short time I’d known her. I was verbally castigated and hated on and literally blamed, as though I had flipped a switch in their child. I told them sure, I had told my daughter what was happening when puberty hit in confusion and that however her sexuality blossomed and whoever she grew up to love would in no way affect how I loved her or how proud I was of her. And yes, my daughter had passed that perspective along to her friend (innocent it turned out later, platonic but I wouldn’t have cared either way) which may have contributed to how courageous the girl had been telling her parents. But, the spiteful hate-filled spitting parents completely missed my point, and were positive I personally was the evil creature who, by words alone, had perverted their child. They really couldn’t have handled it worse. They forbid the innocent friendship with my daughter, shunned their daughter, punished her, grounded her, and even tried to therapy it away. The girl is now estranged from her parents and living across the country from them, surviving on her own at nineteen, going on five years of no parents, but apparently wrapped up in the community out there and doing okay. I worry about her sometimes. Her parents still haven’t pulled their heads out of their asses. I may never understand it, or how you could go so angry-stupid in the face of the most important moment in your child’s adolescence. So, those of you with kids, remember to love your children no matter what. You may think you know who they are but if they surprise you, be kind. Your relationship with them isn’t a given. You can burn that bridge by forgetting about acceptance, forgiveness and love.
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