Building up a wardrobe that you neither hate nor have to dry clean is a lifelong endeavor.

Jul 28, 2018 at 6:49 PM
Building up a wardrobe that you neither hate nor have to dry clean is a lifelong endeavor.
~ from Facebook

Locked out of my house and can’t recall who might have a spare key πŸ˜• I’ve spent about an hour in my car to stay away from the mosquitoes. My kid is on her way soon with a key to let me back in.

Jul 27, 2018 at 10:11 PM
Locked out of my house and can’t recall who might have a spare key πŸ˜• I’ve spent about an hour in my car to stay away from the mosquitoes. My kid is on her way soon with a key to let me back in.
~ from Facebook

I want to learn stunt driving so badly.

Jul 26, 2018 at 4:14 PM
I want to learn stunt driving so badly.
~ from Facebook

Because sex robots are a thing now, I think it’s time to rewatch the classic, “Cherry 3000”.

Jul 25, 2018 at 4:48 PM
Because sex robots are a thing now, I think it’s time to rewatch the classic, “Cherry 3000”.
~ from Facebook

Ask me to provide a definition for a word of your own creation in the comments.

Jul 24, 2018 at 5:28 PM
Ask me to provide a definition for a word of your own creation in the comments.
~ from Facebook

Turns out the only time my outdoor buddy Tom will let me pet him is if I’m singing croony jazz standards.

at 5:11 PM
Turns out the only time my outdoor buddy Tom will let me pet him is if I’m singing croony jazz standards.
~ from Facebook

Hey, if you’re young and fit, start an exercise regime now, because implementing that habit in your forties kinda sucks.

Jul 22, 2018 at 10:11 AM
Hey, if you’re young and fit, start an exercise regime now, because implementing that habit in your forties kinda sucks.
~ from Facebook

I don’t get what’s supposed to be wrong with the word “moist”.

at 12:22 AM
I don’t get what’s supposed to be wrong with the word “moist”.
~ from Facebook

🌹☀️πŸ¦’πŸ₯š πŸŒˆπŸ„πŸŒ» Emoji Haiku Your turn in the comments.

Jul 21, 2018 at 12:00 AM
🌹☀️πŸ¦’πŸ₯š πŸŒˆπŸ„πŸŒ» Emoji Haiku Your turn in the comments.
~ from Facebook

I think my forties are way better than my thirties, which were better than my twenties which were remarkably better than my teen years. That's nice, right? Will my fifties be even better than that?

Jul 20, 2018 at 10:53 AM
I think my forties are way better than my thirties, which were better than my twenties which were remarkably better than my teen years. That's nice, right? Will my fifties be even better than that?
~ from Facebook

My habit of snoozing everyone political is working out well, except it means I can’t be a hypocrite and say political stuff here.

Jul 19, 2018 at 9:52 AM
My habit of snoozing everyone political is working out well, except it means I can’t be a hypocrite and say political stuff here.
~ from Facebook

Would you rather be a...

Jul 18, 2018 at 12:21 AM
Would you rather be a...
~ from Facebook

ENORMITY does not mean ENORMOUSNESS. Just STAHP with that crap.

Jul 17, 2018 at 11:19 PM
ENORMITY does not mean ENORMOUSNESS. Just STAHP with that crap.
~ from Facebook

Looking forward to tonight’s speakers!

at 6:49 PM
Looking forward to tonight’s speakers!
~ from Facebook

I got up to sixty-one points at bowling! Woot.

Jul 16, 2018 at 11:15 PM
I got up to sixty-one points at bowling! Woot.
~ from Facebook

The effects of 2016 include that I will never again believe any article posted to social media that isn’t science or celebrity hoopla. If it even remotely fringes on political? I immediately douse it in salt.

at 6:07 PM
The effects of 2016 include that I will never again believe any article posted to social media that isn’t science or celebrity hoopla. If it even remotely fringes on political? I immediately douse it in salt.
~ from Facebook

If you call the city to report a powerful smell of gas in your neighborhood, press one for gas leak, and reach a random sounding voicemail box... what’s next?

at 7:53 AM
If you call the city to report a powerful smell of gas in your neighborhood, press one for gas leak, and reach a random sounding voicemail box... what’s next?
~ from Facebook

Stretch marks mean that you once stretched so much you didn’t fit inside yourself anymore. That’s some crazy shit.

at 12:00 AM
Stretch marks mean that you once stretched so much you didn’t fit inside yourself anymore. That’s some crazy shit.
~ from Facebook

Had to make the man get on more than just boxers, in order to go walk the cat. He’s out there now walking Claire because she’s the only cat in the world who wants to be walked like a dog. I’m not sure he actually complied. He might be in his boxers in front of all the neighbors right now. He thinks they look like shorts. How do men even cope when they’re single?

Jul 15, 2018 at 10:28 PM
Had to make the man get on more than just boxers, in order to go walk the cat. He’s out there now walking Claire because she’s the only cat in the world who wants to be walked like a dog. I’m not sure he actually complied. He might be in his boxers in front of all the neighbors right now. He thinks they look like shorts. How do men even cope when they’re single?
~ from Facebook

Apparently I have zero trouble writing good romantic characters as long as they’re in totally the wrong genre. Thriller? Needs a romance beta plot. Sci fi? Throw in a love interest. But god help me if it’s the A plot line.

at 10:19 PM
Apparently I have zero trouble writing good romantic characters as long as they’re in totally the wrong genre. Thriller? Needs a romance beta plot. Sci fi? Throw in a love interest. But god help me if it’s the A plot line.
~ from Facebook

The social media thing might be an addiction to watch carefully, but it also gave me a community of writers to interact with beyond my local circle and that’s precious to me.

Jul 12, 2018 at 8:16 AM
The social media thing might be an addiction to watch carefully, but it also gave me a community of writers to interact with beyond my local circle and that’s precious to me.
~ from Facebook

When doing what is right by your fellow man deviates from what is legal, it's time to simplify and humanize the laws.

Jul 8, 2018 at 3:18 PM
When doing what is right by your fellow man deviates from what is legal, it's time to simplify and humanize the laws.
~ from Facebook

My daughters still turn sparklers into fairy lights to dance to, still accidentally flamenco when playing with poppers. I am unbelievably blessed, and family time last night was a truly special moment amongst our many moments.

Jul 5, 2018 at 7:43 AM
My daughters still turn sparklers into fairy lights to dance to, still accidentally flamenco when playing with poppers. I am unbelievably blessed, and family time last night was a truly special moment amongst our many moments.
~ from Facebook

Who wants to come over and help me clean my house? I know, don’t everyone rush all at once.

Jul 4, 2018 at 6:33 PM
Who wants to come over and help me clean my house? I know, don’t everyone rush all at once.
~ from Facebook

I went through a 15 mph speed limit area earlier that was marked as a “traffic calming area“. I don’t know what those guys were thinking; nobody gets calmer from having to go 20 below the speed limit for no reason.

at 6:26 PM
I went through a 15 mph speed limit area earlier that was marked as a “traffic calming area“. I don’t know what those guys were thinking; nobody gets calmer from having to go 20 below the speed limit for no reason.
~ from Facebook

Fireworks are starting up outside already. Keep your dogs indoors and help them find their happy place...

Jul 3, 2018 at 11:02 PM
Fireworks are starting up outside already. Keep your dogs indoors and help them find their happy place...
~ from Facebook

The world will end before I re-friend the people I’ve dumped. This often comes as a surprise to those who know and love me. I seem easy going. And I am, unless you fuck me over and don’t fix it enough times. Then you’re burned-er than Michael Westen. I wouldn’t have thought it of myself, but I just realized there’s a list going back thirty years of burned bridges I don’t miss or care to forgive. It’s probably a character flaw, or maybe it’s a survival skill. Either way, it’s who I am.

at 10:07 PM
The world will end before I re-friend the people I’ve dumped. This often comes as a surprise to those who know and love me. I seem easy going. And I am, unless you fuck me over and don’t fix it enough times. Then you’re burned-er than Michael Westen. I wouldn’t have thought it of myself, but I just realized there’s a list going back thirty years of burned bridges I don’t miss or care to forgive. It’s probably a character flaw, or maybe it’s a survival skill. Either way, it’s who I am.
~ from Facebook

Been home almost a day and it feels weird and small now. Definitely need visitors.

at 4:16 PM
Been home almost a day and it feels weird and small now. Definitely need visitors.
~ from Facebook

Home again, Home again, twiddledee dee.

at 5:57 AM
Home again, Home again, twiddledee dee.
~ from Facebook

Slept in the barrio of Perpignan’s Catalan/Magorcan old town one street over from the castle of the Old King of Mayorca. It was strange and cool.

Jul 1, 2018 at 4:43 AM
Slept in the barrio of Perpignan’s Catalan/Magorcan old town one street over from the castle of the Old King of Mayorca. It was strange and cool.
~ from Facebook