For the last umpteen years (17 to be precise) my life has been dominated by the various neccessities related to raising children.
Within short order, they'll stop attending college part time and head off somewhere full time. They already spend most of their time working, on course, in school, babysitting, on projects, and at various outside classes.
In short, I now have young women, industrious and ready to be adults, in my home. Even if they don't both know it quite yet.
This means that the life I've grown incredibly accustomed to, with my children as my only constant, needs to shift. And shift soon.
I'm headed back to Costa Rica again, for a few weeks, possibly a few months. I need to think about what shape my life should become once it is no longer kid-shaped.
My friends suggest I write the great american novel, actually anyone who's read my story suggests it.
My sweetheart wants us to move to St Louis. Where he's from. I honestly can't imagine a less inviting place to live from my perspective. I have no allies there. But then again, he has not built up any allies here.
I don't really like living in Florida. But honestly, I don't want to move back to California. The stress levels of living there are what broke me down and caused my two years of poor health that I am just now recovering from.
So, once I'm back from Costa Rica, which I love desperately, I need to reconnect with this state. The state I've had an on-again off again love affair with for so many years. I intend to trek about, wander through the architectural richness of St Augustine, visit the keys, find something to love about this place.
Nearly all it has ever represented to me aside from heat and humidity is an ever present and difficult family dynamic. So perhaps it needs to start representing something else to me.
Or I need to find my niche in the state. Someplace that feels "me" ish. Because Tampa Bay most definitely doesn't, with the possible exception of Ybor City, where I sometimes feel a bit "Portland-y". I'm a west coast gal. But I can't be that anymore, if I want to live anywhere near my daughters once they are grown. They seem to love it here.
And they are definitely grown. Almost.