The last few hours

May 25, 2010 at 12:56 PM
Up til three fixing Kat's computer, it was fun. It was like rifling in her underwear drawer and being allowed to make changes, like turning them all hot pink or making them all say "RADNESS". Thanks to Luke for that, his instructions kept her computer from turning into a flying toaster last night. But where his instructions left out, I was left alone with a computer asking me questions that - for once - I couldn't even think with. Wha-huh? The WHAT database? Press 3 for whahhhhhhhh? I was deep in IT tech.

After I got through that hoary jungle, I ran what I know well - defrag and disk cleaning. Except I did them my way - the hardcore techy way. With fancy applications. I firmly believe that everything can be solved by running defrag once a week.

Anyway, now that Kat's computer is the equivalent of hot pink and rad, I shall move on to this morning.


I have meetings all day, and lots to do. Staying up until three was not part of the plan.

So this morning, I wake up at 9:00 (two hours late) thinking "Oh crap! Straight to work then..." so it makes perfect sense that I crawl into the shower, spend ages under the warm friendly waters provided by the shower gods, and then get dressed. Once again, I'm wearing lady's work pants. They make me feel more "worky" on Tuesdays, when I have all my conference calls and stuff.

So, now that I'm late for starting my morning lineup, I find myself tottering around her kitchen pulling together breakfast. For some reason, Kat's cat, 'Kitty" thinks I have to take over feeding him. I have no idea where his food is.

So Kitty's chasing me around the kitchen, somehow calculating the precise mathematics involved in performing graceful figure eights that somehow ALL manage to intersect with my moving feet and legs in unpredictable ways as I stumble toward the coffee maker.

Here's how it goes.

Stumble, accidentally snag toe on Kitty. Check a cupboard for cat food. Grab mug, trip over Kitty. Explain to Kitty that I have no idea where his food is. Pour coffee into cup, head toward the bananas. Check a cupboard for cat food. Carefully stop feet at exact point where I'd have tripped over the Kitty, and then lift my foot slowly over Kitty. Check a cupboard for cat food. Still somehow end up tripping over Kitty. Explain to Kitty still louder that I don't know where his food is. Check a cupboard for cat food. Look at Kitty and say "See?" while pointing at the cupboard.

Reach down and pet him for a second sympathetically. This turns on his bongo drums, apparently, and he's now magnetically attracted to my legs, unable to not have some portion of his Kittiness rubbing against my body. Check a cupboard for cat food.   Trip over Kitty. Check a cupboard for cat food.    Trip over Kitty. Check a cupboard for cat food.

Whine to Kitty that I've already explained about his food and I'm not gonna keep talking to him anyway, he's a CAT.  Check a cupboard for cat food.

I trip on the way to pour myself a glass of water on Kitty. One tiny droplet splashes on him from my glass of water being poured. He vanishes suddenly and completely from the kitchen until my cup of water is done and sitting on the counter.

Trip over Kitty on the way to the apples. Explain to Kitty again that I'm not explaining this to him again. Check a cupboard for cat food.  Check a cupboard for cat food.  Check a cupboard for cat food.

Where the HELL does Kat keep her fricking cat food? Holy crap!

Tell Kitty it's totally Kat's fault I can't feed him.

Pick up a cup of coffee with my left hand. A cup of water with my right (Kitty disappears). Put a banana into my pants (I have no pantspocket, so the waistband's doing the job), put an Apple in my left bra cup, put my keys (why am I holding my keys? I don't know!) into my right bra cup, and head back to the back porch.

Aside from accidentally proposing a toast to myself with coffee and water while opening the door to the guesthouse, I think I'm doing pretty well.

Then I sit down and realize - I forgot to take the banana out of my pants and I now have a smooshed banana popping out of my pants and falling forward through my shirt like some strange alien. Good thing I work alone at home. That kind of thing is why I don't do well with coworkers.

OK. Talk to you later.


  1. Kat Says:

    That had me shaking violently while trying not to actually LOL because you are sitting nearby on the phone with clients.

    The fucking cat is a liar, as I've explained. Not only did he get his cat food this morning, I also poured him a huge bowl of milk. Never feed my cat. He is a liar and a very fat one at that.

    All hail Desi and Luke and their techie genius. THANK YOU!

  2. adwords Says:

    Before I leave I'm gonna figure out how to put the words "hot pink radness" on the side of your computer's monitor. Just a heads up.

  3. kalanen Says:

    Kat needs to buy you either a purse or a boob enlargement in return for your defragging services. Although it must be said that I am utterly impressed with your body storage options. Brilliant.

  4. Shelley Says:

    Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha (because I just don't like LOL or LMAO).

  5. Cat's lie... and wow it was like techie porn there at the beginning!!

  6. desi Says:

    Ooooh, defrag! DEFRAG! DEFRAG!!

  7. WorthyQueen Says:

    Hehehehehe. That was soooo good. My cat is a liar too, which is why he is a big cat, not some skinny starved thing. Loved the picture you painted for me, Desi! So good!