I Want my Older Sister's Stuff, Dammit

Apr 30, 2009 at 2:50 PM
I love my older sister.

And yesterday we spend ages talking to one another. Its always awesome when that happens.

But for whatever reason she won't tell me where her blog is.

And it's sticking in my craw.

OK, I remember the Kat's momma fiasco. OK. I can get it. It's private.

But my whole life she's been sharing things with me, or I've been able to borrow and be part of absolutely everything. You never met a more sharing big sister.

I was ten years old and she brought me to her first "parents are out of town" party, for chris-sakes.

When her friends would be whining "Aw, why you gotta bring your little sister?", she'd look down at me, her five-years-younger sister and say "She's cool, don't worry about it."

And I'd glow with pride.

Even if what we were gonna go do had nothing to do with me or my interests, being included was a big deal.

But, dude! DUDE!

She's not telling me where her blog is.

It's her BLOG. Her thoughts go there, and I want it. Like i wanted the blue sweater that she really loved but told me she didn't so I could have it and that I lost the same day.

OK, I understand that her blog is hers, and hers alone, to be that way about, to feel is private and not mine. I get it. I just want her to be part of my blog and me a part of hers.

And I also totally understand that sometimes a blog is a way to be something without your family or friends being a part of it, or maybe it can be about taking on a new persona - one you don't want your family to contradict. ("you're such a liar, I was a WHAM fan long before you were" or whatever.)

I get it, and I even respect it. But the little sister in me is having a hard time coping. It FEELS like rejection, even though analytically it all makes sense.

Help me deal.

3 comments

  1. Kat Says:

    Hmm. I wish I had words of wisdom or solace for you. But I want to know where she blogs, too. And if I did, I'd tell you, so she wouldn't tell me either.

    I feel you. Wanting in on someone's blog - at least for you I think - is about being their friend. Understanding them. Knowing them better. I'd want that too.

    Maybe you can get out of her what her reasons are. Does she think you'll tell if she has something to say about your family? Has she blogged about you in a negative way? If that's the case, she might want to remove that and let you in - or maybe you wouldn't want to read it at all. Does she not want you to know all about her swingin' sex life? Do you really want to know? Does she think you're a better writer and deeper thinker and not want you reading her blog all about fashion handbags and looking down at her? You know? I exaggerate, but it's going to be something... see if you can find out what it is. Even if it doesn't lead to your being allowed to read her blog, it might at least put some of the mystery to rest for you.

    Meanwhile... I'll be trying to find it. =)

  2. That's a tough one.

    To me it seems the worst part is that "everyone else" gets to read it, but not you. It's not just "private", it's a more personal exclusion.

    I can't read your sister's mind, but I can tell you why I don't let my mom read my blog. She knows it exists, but I haven't given her the URL, and I know it bugs her. She probably thinks it's because I whine about her on my blog, but I don't. I assume she might find it someday, and censor myself accordingly.

    I don't want my mom reading my blog because I want to protect her from knowing some things about me. I don't want her to read my complaints when I'm sick or down, because I don't want her to worry about me. I don't want her to read my confessions of less-than-wonderful thoughts and behaviour, because I like that she's got me up on a pedestal and I want to stay there, at least in her eyes. I guess that means I want to protect myself too.

    It sounds like you have always looked up to your big sister, and maybe she's worried that you'll get to know her too well, including all her shortcomings, and think less of her if you read her blog. That's my best educated guess.

    I hope that helps!

    Love,
    Spark.

  3. Shelley Says:

    Of course it sucks, but the fact is she's always kept secrets from you, she's your big sister and one of her jobs is to protect you. Which means not tell you everything. So let her keep doing her job, let her protect you from what she thinks you don't need to know, but still know that she loves you.