Be Kind Rewind

Apr 6, 2009 at 1:05 AM
When I was 14, a grown woman who totally didn't know me called me all kinds of terrible things, callling my slutty long before I'd even thought about it. Calling me evil before I'd even chosen a path in life. I was still a kid, really, and she called me the most terrible things she had words for. If she had believed in demons, she'd have called me one of those.

Her name was Sidney, and she did everything she could to wreck my life.

I remember her irrational hatred so well. I just made her hate me somehow by simply existing. She got me kicked out of my classes, out of everything she could. Literally everything. She went out of her way to convince people I was evil and a problem everywhere I went for about a year.

At the time, I simply though she didn't like me, I guess. Or that maybe there really was something terrible that I had done without realizing it. But no. I was trying hard, and when I finally gave up fighting it, she won. I left town. I went on the road for a while and when I came back at 16, I never ran into her again. I don't know where she ended up, but I personally hope it was somewhere she deserved. I lost a good boyfriend, a good job, a good place, and a year of my life to her hatred. And the fingers of her lies and the problems she made for me continued to pound out her hatred into my life for about a decade afterwards.

I really believed the things she'd said about me, at the time, I really wondered whether I could be as bad as she said I was. I didn't know what some of the nasty things she called me meant, but I wondered all the same what she saw that I didn't.


Just recently I remembered that all this started the day that I met her son, Sam. He was also my age and had expressed a crush on me, and I'd demured.

She threw my whole life into a spin for a lost crush? Maybe.

Is it possible that the whole problem was that I simply didn't like her son in return? When I recognized that, a whole BUNCH of things started to line up and make sense.

Plus I realized a few years too late that she'd known my older sister and they'd hated each other long before she'd met me.

Between those two things, somewhere, an irrational hatred formed.

I can't imagine trying to destroy someone because you don't like their family, or they don't like yours.

Amazing how huge a circle of pain one person's hatred can have. Her hatred of me had very far reaching ropes it tied into my life. It affected my future right up to present day, because of the lost opportunities and the people who hated me because of her.

When I think about my life in rewind, I realize how urgently important it is to be kind.

And to take a look at each person truthfully, without your own problems coloring your opinion of the other. And to do whatever it takes to assume that this other person might mean well and let them have a shot at doing well.

It doesn't do ME any good to wish others would have done things mroe kindly with me. Instead I simply look at how I can be kinder to others.

I know I've taken that lesson and applied it to everything I could.

But I think if I saw that woman, even today, I'd still wanna punch her. What she doesn't know is that the 14 year old me had no guts for fighting back. The 32 year old me is a whole 'nother thing.

So, maybe the moral is, be kind where appropriate, and scratch out some eyes and kick asses where it's needed?

4 comments

  1. You could always track her down and explain how she made you feel and shame her into an apology. If she doesn't then you beat the crap out of her. It's a win win situation :)

  2. Shelley Says:

    Be kind to everyone... even her, she's going to fuck herself over quite adequately.

  3. Kat Says:

    Wow, Desi. That's weird/crazy/crappy.

    I doubt she's the type that would be shamed into an apology - someone who went to those lengths? Nah...

    And a waste of time to knock her out. But fun to fantasize about.

    I can't get over it. That's just so weird.

  4. LL Cool Joe Says:

    I found your blog via Sparkling Red, so I hope you don't mind me leaving a comment?

    It's amazing the impact cruel comments that people make to us as we are growing up, can have. They never leave us, and I believe they shape who we are.

    As a parent, I try to remind myself of that when I talk to my kids. I don't always get it right but I try.

    I'm sorry you went through this.