I Want my Older Sister's Stuff, Dammit

Apr 30, 2009 at 2:50 PM
I love my older sister.

And yesterday we spend ages talking to one another. Its always awesome when that happens.

But for whatever reason she won't tell me where her blog is.

And it's sticking in my craw.

OK, I remember the Kat's momma fiasco. OK. I can get it. It's private.

But my whole life she's been sharing things with me, or I've been able to borrow and be part of absolutely everything. You never met a more sharing big sister.

I was ten years old and she brought me to her first "parents are out of town" party, for chris-sakes.

When her friends would be whining "Aw, why you gotta bring your little sister?", she'd look down at me, her five-years-younger sister and say "She's cool, don't worry about it."

And I'd glow with pride.

Even if what we were gonna go do had nothing to do with me or my interests, being included was a big deal.

But, dude! DUDE!

She's not telling me where her blog is.

It's her BLOG. Her thoughts go there, and I want it. Like i wanted the blue sweater that she really loved but told me she didn't so I could have it and that I lost the same day.

OK, I understand that her blog is hers, and hers alone, to be that way about, to feel is private and not mine. I get it. I just want her to be part of my blog and me a part of hers.

And I also totally understand that sometimes a blog is a way to be something without your family or friends being a part of it, or maybe it can be about taking on a new persona - one you don't want your family to contradict. ("you're such a liar, I was a WHAM fan long before you were" or whatever.)

I get it, and I even respect it. But the little sister in me is having a hard time coping. It FEELS like rejection, even though analytically it all makes sense.

Help me deal.

Magic Math

Apr 27, 2009 at 10:48 PM
I love these videos.


gimme a segue

Apr 11, 2009 at 5:10 PM
I rode a segway and it was fun. Ran into my old friend Darlene and her guy let me try riding his segway. Awfully interesting and difficult to do. Requires relaxation and good balance.

Now I want to own one.

Does that make me a liberal?

Will that earn me some jeers?

I don't care. That was fun. Like ice skating on a parking lot in a radio flyer wagon only for grownups.

Be Kind Rewind

Apr 6, 2009 at 1:05 AM
When I was 14, a grown woman who totally didn't know me called me all kinds of terrible things, callling my slutty long before I'd even thought about it. Calling me evil before I'd even chosen a path in life. I was still a kid, really, and she called me the most terrible things she had words for. If she had believed in demons, she'd have called me one of those.

Her name was Sidney, and she did everything she could to wreck my life.

I remember her irrational hatred so well. I just made her hate me somehow by simply existing. She got me kicked out of my classes, out of everything she could. Literally everything. She went out of her way to convince people I was evil and a problem everywhere I went for about a year.

At the time, I simply though she didn't like me, I guess. Or that maybe there really was something terrible that I had done without realizing it. But no. I was trying hard, and when I finally gave up fighting it, she won. I left town. I went on the road for a while and when I came back at 16, I never ran into her again. I don't know where she ended up, but I personally hope it was somewhere she deserved. I lost a good boyfriend, a good job, a good place, and a year of my life to her hatred. And the fingers of her lies and the problems she made for me continued to pound out her hatred into my life for about a decade afterwards.

I really believed the things she'd said about me, at the time, I really wondered whether I could be as bad as she said I was. I didn't know what some of the nasty things she called me meant, but I wondered all the same what she saw that I didn't.

Just recently I remembered that all this started the day that I met her son, Sam. He was also my age and had expressed a crush on me, and I'd demured.

She threw my whole life into a spin for a lost crush? Maybe.

Is it possible that the whole problem was that I simply didn't like her son in return? When I recognized that, a whole BUNCH of things started to line up and make sense.

Plus I realized a few years too late that she'd known my older sister and they'd hated each other long before she'd met me.

Between those two things, somewhere, an irrational hatred formed.

I can't imagine trying to destroy someone because you don't like their family, or they don't like yours.

Amazing how huge a circle of pain one person's hatred can have. Her hatred of me had very far reaching ropes it tied into my life. It affected my future right up to present day, because of the lost opportunities and the people who hated me because of her.

When I think about my life in rewind, I realize how urgently important it is to be kind.

And to take a look at each person truthfully, without your own problems coloring your opinion of the other. And to do whatever it takes to assume that this other person might mean well and let them have a shot at doing well.

It doesn't do ME any good to wish others would have done things mroe kindly with me. Instead I simply look at how I can be kinder to others.

I know I've taken that lesson and applied it to everything I could.

But I think if I saw that woman, even today, I'd still wanna punch her. What she doesn't know is that the 14 year old me had no guts for fighting back. The 32 year old me is a whole 'nother thing.

So, maybe the moral is, be kind where appropriate, and scratch out some eyes and kick asses where it's needed?

Wet April Fools

Apr 1, 2009 at 3:29 PM
OK. My house decided to play an April Fool's day joke on me.

In the middle of the night, my water quit completely. Not a drop.

I totally blamed Libs and Sean for their high water usage. But then when the ranch foreman got it working again, I found out it was dirt in the line, clogging it up.

So I apologized to Libs and Sean.

Then the toilet wouldn't work at all. Then when I tried to fix the toilet, while unscrewing the water hose, a water pipe burst in the bathroom wall. Water started flooding in like a horror movie. Like 1408 when he drowns, only maybe only my head. It sounded like the wall was dealing with AMAZINGly good water pressure, even though I have crappy water pressure in almost every tap normally. Pish.

Then I couldn't find the water shutoff. Turns out it's under the side porch. Didn't know that until WAY too late.

Then I screamed Help about twenty times and discovered that if I'm ever ACTUALLY in mortal danger and scream help, no one's coming. Not even Libby from the next room, who wouldn't notice if a train ran into the house when she's sleeping/busy/resting/listening to music.


Then I'm running around the house picking things up off an increasingly wet floor, while trying to call the ranch foreman with the phone on my shoulder.

Then I'm cleaning up ridiculous amounts of water from every floor in the house and cussing.

Then Frank starts repairing the toilet. And the fumes from the PVC pipe joint sealer totally start messing with my head.

Then I check the toilet when he's done and he'd removed an ancient clog. That toilet never refilled well, SLOW, sluggish flushing.

Well now it's got GREAT water pressure. breaking the pipe cleared some ancient clog and now I can go number one AND number two without fear of flushability.

We're all totally jazzed right now. Whether any of that is sealer-induced euphoria, I don't know. But the toilet working well for the first time ever is flipping awesome.