Why oh why?

Feb 27, 2009 at 12:24 PM
Why is the space I get in a sauna limited to the length of a towel? And who decided towels should be the length they are? Not quite big enough to cover everything anyway. If I bring a beach towel with me, will I get the entire bench all to myself?

Why are there more people driving around drunk or stoned on the weekend than there are sober drivers like me? Where did their designated drivers go?

Why is the one-ply transparent toilet paper in public bathrooms hoarded by the dispenser, so that you can only have five pieces before it quites rolling it out?

Why do people ever eat at McDonald's? Dear sweet mother of all things good and holy, that restaurant is just BAD. Why do they keep getting business? Every other Fast food place is now cheaper and better.

Why does public transportation always smell like a urinal? Who pees on a bus? What benefit do they get from doing so?

Why does that lady at the cosmetics counter in the mall want so badly to spray me with cloying toxic gunk? And does she get paid by the spray or by the sale? Criminy.

Why do butterflies need so many dang colors? HOw does it really aid their survival?

Why are there no cats eyes or stripes on the roads here? And why do the other drivers always seem to know where the lanes are anyway?

Why does Portland need a coffee shop on every corner? Why does every single one of them close at nine? Where did the fun ones go that you could play games, read and discuss trite political BS in?

Why does anyone in a tropical island country ever wear shoes? Or anything at all for that matter?

Why didn't I ever get the measles or chicken pox? What made me not get it when every other kid in my class did?

Why are the lines I get into always slower than the queue at another checkout counter? I understand the math of averages makes it a generally applicable truth that the majority of people will always be in the slowest line but that doesn't stop me from rifling through every magazine in a huff while not paying for that article I read.

Why does a babboon have to have such a HUGE pink ass? No really. Was it just someone's idea of a joke?


My parents once told me they'd never heard someone ask "why?" so often. I was a "why?" asking fool as a kid. That's how come I know that flatworms can divide. That is why I know the difference between Ghana and Rwanda.

That is why I am happy. I can classify and differentiate my world. I ask too many questions.

Big Cities

Feb 26, 2009 at 4:00 PM
Being all alone in a big city is a very scary endeavour for me. I personally dislike it. Aside from expense ($10-20 a day in parking alone without counting in tickets and gas and everything) like food, extra rent and such, I just really miss my home. I love the woods. I also love Costa Rica. Both are home now. And I miss them very much.

I wish Libs was still around, it would make it easier. But she's found a boyfriend and moved in with him. I rarely get to see her. She's too wrapped up in him to notice the impact her change in attitude and attention have had on me. It was "us against the big city" before. Now it's just kind of different between us, and very contentious. I hope that stops soon.

At least he's cool and a good kid and off drugs and the same age as her. That's better than it could be. I'm not worried about her, I just miss her.

So I'm basically alone here, and wish I could be pretty much anywhere else now. I want to go home.

Libs wants me to move in to a spare room at his folk's house. So I can be nearby her, but probably also because I'd be available for rides and food then. Which I'm not right now. Not sure I want to do that. I like staying where I am right now, which is in the spare room at a family friend's house. It makes the alone part easier, even if I only see the people I know for a few hours a week.

The girls come home in April, and that will help.

How people wander away from home to places far and wide, without any friends or family around, I don't know. I generally love to go places, but not alone. And I don't do alone very well - as I've discussed before.

I wish I could go visit Kat. That would be fun. She lives in LA. Maybe I'll go there next? Or maybe I'll just go home to my little hole in the woods. I love it there.


Feb 18, 2009 at 5:41 PM
Libs and I made a Music Video for our "Nonexistent Song". Here it is:

Jenga Colliseum

Feb 16, 2009 at 5:06 PM
I made a jenga roman coliseum.

Here it is:

With a froggy in the middle.

(Cell phone pictures in low light generally suck, sorry.)

Conspiracy Theorists, Ugly Architecture and Jenga

Feb 14, 2009 at 2:49 PM
OK. You know those conspiracy theorists who believe that the world is secretly run by freemasons and that freemasons are behind everything ominous or spooky or evil that is perpetrated?

OK. Here's how i know that is NOT the case.

If the freemasons still had any tangible, significant levels of "pull", our buildings wouldn't have started looking like legos and department store display cases. And they definitely would not have squat ugly columns.

See, the columns and the arch were sacred to the freemasons. When was the last time you went into a NEWLY CONSTRUCTED builing and saw a beautiful archway with structurally sound yet stunningly beautiful columns supporting it?

That's right, never.

Nowadays you get stupid square columns made of steel or those godawful CARDBOARD tube columns they wrap around T Bar supports.

I hate modern columns. The world's architecture has lost its aesthetic and become more utilitarian and ugly than ever before.

So how is it even remotely possible that freemasons run the show? If they did, we'd have serious laws against ugly columns and every movie theatre, parking garage and modern office building would have been shut down for violation of the basic rules of architecture.


So I drive over to Powell's yesterday and drive into the parking garage. (Powell's is the world's best bookstore ever ever ever.) The parking structure is run by a parking nazi at the entrance, who orders you into a very specific space "Number 44" he'll say. Or sometimes just "eleven" will be barked at you. You cannot park anywhere but the space he tells you to park in. (I'm afraid to find out what happens to violators.) Once you've parked, you must turn in your key. And you have to get your ticket validated to get your key back. I guess they don't want anyone but Powell's customers parking in their special garage.

All traffic uses the exact same skinny lane to enter and exit. It's a honk around corners, one at a time, deal. I have NO IDEA what I would do if I encountered someone there halfway up or down. I am SOOOO not driving my car backwards there.

Here's why. It's the only time in my life that I've seen a 3-story garage made entirely of wood. I'm not driving backwards in a wooden garage in my tank of a car. Bull in a china shop, more like.

So anyway, that didn't happen. But it still felt like I was driving up a Jenga tower. Rickety and scary (in my imagination). The wooden poles didn't seem big enough to support the weight of so many tons of cars. And the cement floor felt thin - I'm pretty sure it's just laying on top of the wooden floor. (When you see the crack pattern, I think you'll agree.)

As I'm attempting to force my boat into a space big enough for a compact to manuever into (because I have no choice, the nazi told me where to park) I almost didn't see one of the wooden support beams. They are painted BRIGHT yellow, but whatever. I wasn't going very fast, and tapping the pole wouldn't probably have done anything. But what if it did? It's a wooden building - probably a hundred years old or some such - it can't be that strong.

I ended up having to do an 8,000-point turn.

I guess I've grown accustomed to the ugly cement and steel structures. Despite their claustrophobic, damp, insufficiently lit creepiness (think Highlander), I trust them not to fall apart while I'm in them. Mostly.

I am so glad I didn't hit the pole. You know they get hit a lot, you can see the little dents in the wood. But, I so would not have wanted to be the person to knock over THAT particular jenga pile.

I love that bookstore, but I think I'll just drive around til I find a space on the street next time. I'm willing to pay 3 bucks not to get crushed to death in a pile of wooden splinters and cars.


Feb 8, 2009 at 2:29 PM
Libby and I saw the weirdest thing.

THere was a bum with a hoodie pulled down all the way to his shirt scooting very very slowly down the sidewalk, airhumping the intersection of 12th and Salmon, all while pooping into a plastic bag with both hands down both the front and back of his pants.

NEVER seen anything that crazy. And I say that having seen some crazy sheeeeet growing up in LA. This one bum here in Portland DEFINITELY out-crazies dumpster-defender or mirror man. Yes, even crazier than mirror man.

It was SOOO crazy that Libby considered taking a photo. It put us both into a stunned silence, even though we were both quite busy.

I am one of those people who donates from my meager income to homeless shelters and food drives. And I know Portland has a thousand places for homeless people to safely go to find food, shelter, etc. Best city to be homeless in. That's why there are SOOO many.

Anyway, this guy was making me think just like I did as a little kid again. I used to debate whether it was better to be homeless and crazy or crazy and in an asylum.

The thing is, that man is actually crazy, and should get help. But, it's sad to me that there is no ACTUAL refuge, no actual help, out there for the truly crazy among
us. Not without involuntary drugging and mishandling, and making it either WORSE or just masking it behind layers of removed potential and the fuzzy blanket of drugged non-confront. Betrayal as help, destruction disguised as help, that doesn't count.

So what else is there to do if you're crazy like that guy?

Anyway, he was truly the weirdest thing I've ever seen. Living or dead.

Just saying.

Shampoo Crisis

Feb 7, 2009 at 4:07 PM
Every time I buy shampoo and conditioner, I buy them in matched sets. I don't feel right using a conditioner with the wrong shampoo.

So I'm in the shower, and I use the shampoo twice, because I need to for reasons only my mother knows. But every time I do this is a simple homage to my momma.

And then I conditioner only once. I run the conditioner through with my fingers and let it sit. I use just enough to condition every strand thoroughly.

And in spite of this, I ALWAYS run out of conditioner first. The physics behind this continues to stump me.

It's when I run out of conditioner that I go buy a new matched set of shampoo and conditioner. Of which the shampoo will last longest. Inevitably.

And since I have to switch shampoo/conditioner regularly or else suffer "bleuch hair", I end up with two or three bottles of half used shampoo laying around all the time.

Why can't they just make LARGER conditioner bottles? I don't want the SAME amount in my bottles, I want portions that will run out at the exact same time.

Pet peeve of the day.

Here it goes again, treadmill thingee

Feb 2, 2009 at 4:27 PM
Just because I've mentioned this to some of you like a bajillion times, here it is:

They'ev charmed me again, in this one: