Remarkable Poise

Dec 3, 2008 at 10:38 AM
I'm in the restaurant. I'm wearing a flattering bathing suit and short shorts.

A gorgeous blond man with brilliant grey eyes is watching me as I sit at the bar, slowly working my way through a banana naturales, and I slink out of my chair, carefully being all yoga and pretty.

I flip my hair. I know I look awesome because I'm tan and shiny right now. And since it's completely a new experience for me to be the tan, shiny girl, I'm allowed to revel in it, and I have been doing so. Oh, have I. I LOVE looking this good. I've lost so much weight and I can't help wanting to slink around in my prettiest clothes.

He watches my ass as I sway out of the restaurant toward the stairs to the rooms. (Internal dialogue: I am a delicate flower. Stepping lightly. Swing those hips. Doing great. Is he still looking? Oh, yeah. He's hot! Keep walking pretty, girl.)

I start ascending my stairs. I hear him say "Mmmm" in that way guys do when they are appreciative of the visual favor you are doing for them.

Suddenly, my foot catches on a step. I stumble forward and crumple up and a leg goes backward, so a shoe goes flying off behind me and lands on a young waiter. He's named Jonathan and is always so poised and polished. I've thrown him off.

I fall down in hysterics on the stairs, in my big-guffaw last-hurrah totally-losing-control laugh. My legs are crumpled up under me in a totally unflattering manner and I can't stop laughing.

That's what I get, huh?

Beach baby sexpot I am not. I'm sticking to what I know.


  1. desi Says:

    At least I could kick your ass if I wanted to.

  2. Cat Says:

    That sounds like something I've done more than once. I fall up the stairs quite frequently. Tip over my chair in the middle of a lecture hall, that kind of thing. You're still smokin'!

  3. Hmmm... for me that would have sealed the deal. Nothing like a pretty woman with a good sense of humor about life and its little surprises.

  4. C.S. Perry Says:

    Physical retardation can be very other physical retards I mean.

  5. There's nothing like some good, old-fashioned slapstick to brighten up your day.

  6. Kat Says:

    I am laughing so hard right now. That's AWESOME. You were just BEGGING for that fall. Perfect....

  7. Shelley Says:

    I'm with Kat. But I can picture Johnathon... I'm not sure how he would have dealt with that - did you dent his hair?

  8. Sleepy Scott Says:

    You're getting "Mmmm" noises? Good for you.

    Weren't you getting those noises from the crunk, short, hairless dudes too?

  9. desi Says:

    @Kat and @Shelley - Way to back me up, BFFs.

    @SleepyScott - No, that was sucking in air through the teeth.

    P.S. Last night I had a man I'd known for twenty seconds have his sister translate into English that he was in love with me and wanted a kiss more than life itself. He was really cute, and rich, and from San Jose, but still - twenty seconds?