Package THIS

Nov 16, 2008 at 1:35 PM
Hallelujah! My prayers are ANSWERED. (Although with all that cursing in there, I'm not sure who answered.)

Packages You Won't Need a Saw to Open

Thank you Michael Appleton at The New York Times for making my day brighter with this amazing news!

Woo hoo! I have usually spent DAYS after every decent haul for my kids just opening the effing presents, finding bits of twist tie and cable tie and sharp edge cut bits of hard clear plastic.

It would be absolute heaven never to have to do this again.

So, no matter what I invite you to, buy your presents for it at Amazon. Seriously, you give me that plastic packaging crap again, I am not responsible for what I do.


AUNT: "Here, kiddos, I bought you a colored pencil art set."

MY KIDS: "Aw, Yay, Thanks!"

ME: "Is that wrapped in hard-heatwelded plastic? You BITCH! How could you do this to me? How many times have I been there for you??

AUNT: "And this Bratz doll."

ME: "Aaaaa!" (I run weeping from the room, hysterically flailing my arms.)


And here's the big question?

How the hell do you open up the package on a pair of scissors? If I HAD a pair of scissors, I wouldn't have had to go BUY one.

Last time I faced this problem, the packaging around my new pair of scissors had been heatwelded not once but THREE TIMES. And felt like it must have been made out of kevlar. Does it really need THREE layers of permanent closure? Does it really need me to have to go fetch my vice grips to apply to the wiresnips I'm trying to cut it with? Does it really need to endure 7 Gs of torque force? Does the packaging really need to be stronger than the scissors inside of it?

I went out to the tool kit, AGAIN, and grabbed a straight edge razor and screamed furiously at the packaging while hacking away at it in a manner that it has been out of date for humans to act like since before we moved out of the caves.

Guess what? When I finally got that plastic case open, it was wrapped in another thinner one. Dear Sweet Jeesum, I'm not trying to make sure it can safely make it through the atmosphere for space flight, I just want to make paper dolls for my KIDS.

I don't think I've ever successfully removed office supplies from their packaging without getting what I call a mega-paper-cut. It's like a papercut, but it has a tiny plastic splinter in it. And it smarts way more.

If and when the people who make all that crap at the Office Supply stores finally realize that they've gone a little overboard, and change their packaging, then I will know that all is right in the world.

1 Responses to Package THIS

  1. Kat Says:

    AMEN! Last Christmas I swore that I'd open every single toy and wrap it without its plastic clamshell. Even without the "clamshell" thing, the way they package toys now is unbelievable! Ever tried to get a fracking car unwound and set free from its box while your toddler screams, but you have to go get a blowtorch to free it for him? Not so fun. Good to know about Amazon.