The Nature of Tragedy

Nov 14, 2008 at 9:21 AM
If any of you remember all the way back to last week, you'll see this post "moment of silence",and you may have wondered WTF I was talking about. Here's why.

My godson is dead.

Most of the time when people run away from their lives and are apparently hellbent for death, and they reach an early demise, all sins are washed away and the sainted version of the person is left. But refusing to recognize truth is no way to mend.

He wanted love from those he couldn't get it from, and wasted the love from those he got it from freely.

Learn something from this. Your own choices lead you -- where are you going? Who do you choose to value?

If you're on drugs, stop. Stop now, because there is no such thing as a sort-of junkie. You can't dabble in that stuff. Stop now. Stop now. Get your act together before you go the way of this good kid. And thousands who were not like him, but who ended their lives like he did.

It is an awful, awful thing he did to himself. He was given a lot of opportunities to stop, to get help, to change environment, to be given the love and support he needed. And he wasted them all. Kept playing russian roulette with his life.

Yes, I'm going to say it. He caused his own death. No doubt about it. No one else is responsible, even with mistakes made. It was a selfish thing to do. His littlest brother will never know him. His mother will be permanently sad. It sucks all around, and he totally chose the sucky path. I watched him choose it, even when he was clean. I watched him making awful choices.

But, despite this, I will always remember the precocious thoughtful boy with the camera who cogently conversed with me about art. Who smiled real smiles and seemed so WISE. This later stuff, never mind. What EVER.

Kiddo, I know who you really are. You know I do. I can see you cracking that grin right now. Come on, you know it's true. You rock, kiddo.

I sure hope you have an easier time trusting and loving others in the next life, Zaners.

I'm glad I knew you.


  1. desi Says:


    When something could truly have been avoided
    Who do you look to for why life was voided?

    Slender stoic kind and graceful
    Skewed by drugs to stony and hateful

    Zane once sang and meant by heart
    His music tugged your soul apart

    As he got older he stopped traffic
    His cool easy smile made girls frantic

    Carefully took stunning shots with my camera
    In simple life finding beautiful ephemera

    In conversation always in some way provocative
    In art he is, was, will be always evocative

    And then he got mixed up with slime
    Threw away advice each and every time

    He tried every trick to please another
    Ignoring love, resisting pain of his mother

    When life got better he got restless
    Robbing from safety to sate excesses

    Crept from slender to thin to gaunt and
    Features skewed from handsome to haunted

    Our kind impulses couldn't repair this rend
    I couldn't force him to choose to mend

    Never have I seen choices cause such pain
    As the end of the end of the end of Zane.


    I am not a poet, so please don't critique... It's just a goodbye to a good kid. It came out that way and if you criticize it, I'll send my team of hitmen after you.

  2. That is so sad. I'm sorry the world had to lose another sensitive, artistic soul. There are so many confident idiots strutting around... it's the quiet, thinking ones that are at risk for the harshness of the world.

    I love your poem. :-)

  3. desi Says:

    Thanks, Red. Yes, me too. Artists getting the short stick is evil.

  4. Cat Says:

    I'm so sorry for you, his family, him. What a terrbile, avoidable tragedy.

    The poem was beautiful

  5. Kat Says:

    I love this post.
    I love this poem.
    Sorry I was flippant about the moment of silence now - I didn't know what it was, thought it was funny.
    How do you say that your heart has been squeezed and you understand and you're there and you love? I mean - if you were here I'd just hug you and not say anything.
    I hope he's better - finding peace and less upset - wherever he is now. Hope he'll do well. We need everybody like him to do well.

  6. desi Says:

    I didn't realize it was flippant. So no big deal. Thanks for the support, guys.