Aug 25, 2008 at 11:26 PM
After vaguely wondering what Charlie was going on about, I came out on the porch last night - I was killing two birds with one stone, really. My first reason was to see what Charlie was up in arms about, and the other was to read and enjoy life.

Well, I found that a very large white male (a bull) was taking up residence in my front yard.

Three nights earlier Charlie didn't bark at all when the bobcat was in the yard. (Charlie's advice appears to be: Cows are dangerous. Watch out! Lethal wild cats are no problem. Just ignore them.)

Anyway, back to the bull. I knew this one. He gets loose from Old Man Eisenhart's property once every so often. He's wily. The bull, not Mr. Eisenhart. Although nothing against Mr. Eisenhart - i really just don't know. Anyway, this bull is just too smart for fences and tack. He is almost as tall as me, and always looks like you've just done something disgusting and he's waiting on your apology. He was scuffling his feet and staring me down. He obviously knew he was where he wasn't supposed to be, but danged if he was going to give me credit for recognizing it.

He shuffled around, looking highly affronted that I stayed up on the porch instead of running away, and watched me settle into my chair. He made a snuffling noise and walked closer. (How dare I enjoy the evening's cool breeze!) He looked like he was itching to say "get outta my yard!" but had no words for it.

Charlie flipped out, and started looking at me in between barks. He was barking at the bull rather more than even Charlie Underfoot usually does. Because I wasn't listening to the barks, he went for the bigger effect, jumping up and down while barking. Obviously, Charlie was trying to tell me he could take 'im.

I said "Sure, I know you could, Doodlebutt. But you're going in the house." And I shoved Charlie (sometimes known as "Doodlebutt" or "Godammit! Get off my feet!") through the door into the house.

Tucker, who knew better than to be bothered by cows, stayed laying in his favorite spot. He looked at me sidelong like to say, "You better tell that whippersnapper to calm down or he's gonna be killed by that bull," and then rolled over a little and stretched his neck.

"I know, I know - He'll learn. You did, you know."

My attention back on the bull, and Tucker's attention on me. Catching a train of thought, I remembered what I was doing. Oh yeah, Snuffling match. So I snuffled back at the bull, pumped my arms down at the same time, stamped my foot good and hard. Like an angry housewife making a point. And I stood up straight and -- in the country dialect that both Tucker and the bull know better than the Queen's English, said -- "GITTawnouttaheyah! Gwohn, GIT!" and then the big white bull looked at me like he was reassessing me, so for good measure I said "HUH" and shooed my arms at him. He turned away. The only way to impress a bull with yourself is to act like one. Snuffle and move around a little and be bullheaded. And be behind a lot of fence. Preferably with a strong door behind you to disappear into.

He understood my meaning, but didn't gitohnouttaheah. That hadn't actually been my intention. I just wanted him to recognize that I was in my spot and he was in his.

I settled into the teal upholstered art deco armchair that sits (facing the sun in the day) on my front porch and started reading.

Charlie took up barking at the door again after a few minutes.

The bull settled down to eating the grass, and was soon enough joined by several young ladies, where they promptly enjoyed the rest of the evening imbibbing their own cud, snuffling, and laying down plentiful cowpies for posterity.

The bull stayed right next to the house, in my yard, until about 6:00 AM when he decided to take his herd off to their next whirlwind gala in some other field. Normally I wouldn't care. Bulls getting loose is pretty common around here. Comes with the territory. Literally.

I only know that's when he left my yard because that's when Charlie decided to let me sleep.

Silly dog.

1 Responses to Bullheadedness

  1. Robin Says:

    You have really good bull sense. I fed your fish.