Burned by the Flame

Mar 22, 2008 at 9:44 PM
Here are the poll results about how many love matches you've all had.

Interesting. Highest number of included people, of all my polls ever. Most of you had two or three. There were even a few of you in the "who's counting" range. Oy vey!

Some of you have been lucky enough to have one only (assuming you still have that one special person).

Most of you already know that Michael turned out to be a dud as a husband. He wasn't actually willing to create a marriage, after all. Once he knew what it was. So I left once it was obvious there wasn't a future there. We're getting annulled. I'm actually not in a bad way over it.

Love is an interesting thing. It is a created thing only. You cannot find it, you have to MAKE it happen. And both people have to MAKE it happen. Sometimes that happens on the first try, and sometimes it takes a few hard knocks. I know some people who are on husband or wife number 3-4-5-6-7 and are finally happy as clams at high tide, but weren't earlier. It really is a matter of choosing to create it. And choosing the right person carefully.

I learn that more and more as life goes on.

If it takes me hundreds of tries, I'm gonna get this whole LOVE thing right eventually.

I have not yet found that one amazing person whom I can easily share the rest of my life with and who wants to share mine, but I HAVE been lucky enough to find many great friends. I have a few very close friends among my exes. Some of whome read my blog. You know who you are.

I also have several wonderful female friends who are also in the single mom's club right now. So I must be careful not to start up a man-haters club. It really isn't the same thing from person to person.

But I don't think I have time right now to put into searching for anyone new.

Today, I:

Continued unpacking, repaired and moved furniture, set up the third bedroom, cleaned my house fully, fixed my stopped up sink, baked, cleaned the kitchen AGAIN, made two meals so far, worked for 4 hours, and led a small expedition into the woods with the girls.

Yesterday we got even more done. Busy, busy busy.

It is unbelievably difficult to be a single mom. There is so much more to do in a single day than I can easily manage. I usually drag myself to bed bone tired from just trying to keep up with myself (to hell with the Joneses). I'm not aiming high, I just want a great life right here in my own house.

Some days are so darn successful -- but there are always others than aren't.

I'm not complaining. I know I'm unbelievably lucky. I just know that I have put in more than the average share of hard work in life, and I'd like someone else to help me tow my rope.

It'd just be nice to find a comparable partner in life -- one that wants to spend the rest of his life in a happy situation with just one woman. And who can maybe fix a busted sink without me having to take over. Or -- as Shelley says -- I need a guy who knows that Paris is Hecuba's son rather than a damned hotel hieress.

Doesn't seem like a tall order. Especially not when everyone I know has nothing but glowing words for what kind of person I am. By their measure, I ought to have qualified men lining up. But no.

The adventures I've gotten myself into on the way to finding a compatible male to cohabitate with have been interesting to say the least. A few marriages crashed on the rocks, a few fleeting love affairs more aptly called mishaps, and more practically, a heck of a lot of car trips and plane flights.

I'm going to take a break for a while from it all, and focus on my kids and my job. I'm going to focus on being the best me I can be, the best mom I can be, and building up what I do have. I'm going to take more classes on search and rescue, and on things I'll need as a disaster volunteer.

I'm not planning on blowing from this, but I do know that I would kick myself in my old age if I didn't take every moment available to me to make what I HAVE got amazing.

Heck, with my luck, he'll fall into my lap while I'm out of the game -- at the worst possible moment for it.

And if not, at least my children and I will be doing wonderfully in the meantime.


  1. Grahame Says:

    It took me a couple of times to get it right. My first marriage failed and I realized afterwards that we rushed into it. If I'd waited six-months then I'd have seen quite clearly that it wasn't going to work.

    So I made a policy to live with the person for 6-months and then decide if I could live with them the rest of my life and if yes then get married and if not then end it.

    My next relationship lasted just over 6-months and then I made my decision. The next two were short because by that time I had also created a detailed description of what I wanted in a marriage so that I could see pretty quickly if the person was right for me or not.

    After each relationship I would refine my description - my ideal scene. I did it as a list so it was easy to read.

    As part of this I very much applied the LRH policy "Name the product" because you get what you name and if you don't name it clearly you will get the fuzzily defined thing you did name.

    Finally I met Kate and it was clear from very early on that she was what I had "named". I still followed the 6-months policy, but there never was a doubt from the start.

    That was 15 years ago and we are still very happily married. In fact we have never had an argument (we once came close during a game of Monopoly and the kids became very excited at the prospect of finally seeing an argument between us, but, to their disappointment, it fizzled out into laughter).

    Anyway, there is hope! Just apply LRH - Name the product, Admin Scale and Tone Scale - and you'll find your Prince Charming!

    PS - see the movie "Enchanted". It will give your spirits a lift.

  2. desi Says:

    Haha! Awesome. What a great booster comment, Grahame. Thanks.

    Yes, I did see Enchanted. It was awesome! I thought I was going to have to sit through a terrible kids movie. And it was sappy, corny and alol that - but SOOO great. I loved it. Honestly, I have never LOVED a Disney movie before.

    I saw it when it first came out, and with my new husband before he did his mental disappearing act. Now I think seeing it again might be a totally different thing...

    I'll rent it just as soon as it's available on DVD. There are no movie theatres here.