bloggy blog blog

Aug 24, 2007 at 6:57 AM
I have blogged way too little this year. Here's another one just for kicks!

I'm Boring and Proud of it

at 6:11 AM
When I was younger, I used to call people who had ordinary lives and who, most of the time, were good people "boring".

Lately, I've become something of a "do-gooder" - I rescued someone from a bad spot, I've been keeping up my obligations without trying, and I rescued a dog that was abandoned (yellow lab, decided to call him "Buster Bailey"). I've helped a very desperate comrade of mine out of an amazingly deep hole. I have tons of similar incidents I could list but I don't want to. If you've been around, you've seen some of them.

I've been taking good care of myself, exercise and fresh air and lots of water. I've been doing what I ought when I ought, but not out of some kind of discipline, just because that's the game I have in my life right now, that's the mock up.

I help my friends out and defend rather fiercely now -- seen the opposite end of that in action enough times now to realize the TRUE definition of friend and I live and breath it now -- I never desert a comrade in need or in danger.

So, I have become the people I used to scoff at.

Hmph.

Thinking about that, it's really kind of OK with me. So I never have gotten that deep blue sports car (Porshe maybe?) with the white soft-top that I wanted. There's plenty of time yet. So, I never did take that trip to Europe. I'll get around it. I stopped getting to play Spades every night and that's sad, but I'm sure if I could drum up enough people, I'd play again. There is no moral disposition at which cards are unacceptable -- at least in my book.

The important things are family, church, friends and expanding my power to help - all of these are critically important to me now. They are what I think and breath in daily life right now. I've caught the do-gooder bug and there's no cure. Today, this astonished me, because I used to have to effort at everything. Push push push myself to be good. Struggle struggle and push some more -- all to be the person I was expected to be. I don't know exactly when it occured, but life of the kind I want to live seems to come easily now.

I am not sure what changed, but I know it changed because of the constant study in Scientology I'm doing now. Every day there are several instances where I am studying LRH.

I highly recommend it, as someone who did not used to think that I'd be able to apply it to my life, that something was wrong with me and I was not going to be able to make positive change. I decided to apply it rather than wonder -- it has dramatically improved my life personally and is worth far more in sums than you could possibly ever pay.

Things that I am amused about - things I used to think were the very crux of who I was, have totally vanished. I don't miss the late nights and slacker attitude, and I definitely don't miss the heartbreak that is choosing friends in low tone levels. I don't miss the constant indecision and unwillingness to fight against something I knew to be wrong.

I don't miss never making any personal progress toward enlightenment, and I definitely don't miss the hangovers. I don't miss the crying, blame, shame and regret. I don't miss the fact that I used to keep things occluded from myself just because I didn't want to do the work involved in taking responsibility for my actions.

I am actually proud of every action I've done recently. Every one. If you'd been following me around with a camera, and told me that you were going to play the tape on TV, I'd be fine with it. I've been so good - and I only even noticed it today because I thought about someone I was friends with a decade ago.

I am finally on the road to actual Happiness, the stable, permanent kind that comes from actually being instead of TRYING to be, from actually doing rather than TRYING to do, from actually having instead of TRYING to have.

Life is so much easier to live now that I'm not lazy, just living. Life is so much happier now that I'm not searching for pleasure, but finding it in accomplishment.

Not to say I'm perfect. But I've come a long way and I want to take a moment to say thanks to every one of you who knew I had a spark and encouraged me. The list isn't long, but you know who you are.

I admire you and am following that example now.

I hope you are also on the newly recovered Basic Books - they are all they are cracked up to be and a lot more.

Love bunches. - Desi

UPDATE: Lerey is in Portland now, didn't end up working out as boyfriend. Moved to Div 3. Libby is thinking about visiting me. Amber, Zane and Harlan are living with me. Steve gets the girls in October at which point I concentrate on study, course and work. Amber is due in October too. Exciting! The cat had kittens, which the girls named Lazlo and Kohl. I love those names.
I personally am simply enjoying the summer. It's gorgeous out here. Come visit!