I wish this were the local college schedule

Oct 25, 2006 at 9:08 PM
REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED BY Monday, October 16, 2006

NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM.


Class 1

How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays --- Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.

Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.


Class 2

The Toilet Paper Roll --- Does It Change Itself?

Round Table Discussion.

Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.


Class 3

Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of Lifting The Seat and Avoiding The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub? --- Group Practice.

Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.


Class 4

Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The Floor ---
Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.

Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.


Class 5

After Dinner Dishes --- Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen Sink?
Examples on Video.

Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM

Class 6

Loss Of Identity --- Losing The Remote To Your Significant Other.
Help Line Support and Support Groups.

Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM


Class 7

Learning How To Find Things --- Starting With Looking In The Right Places And Not Turning The House Upside Down While Screaming.
Open Forum.

Monday at 8:00 pm, 2 hours.


Class 8

Health Watch --- Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your Health.
Graphics and Audio Tapes.

Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 pm for 2 hours.

Class 9

Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost --- Real Life Testimonials.

Tuesdays at 6:00 pm
Location to be determined.


Class 10

Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While She Parallel Parks?
Driving Simulations.

4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.


Class 11

Learning to Live --- Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife.
On-line Classes and role-playing.

Tuesdays at 7:00pm

Class 12

How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion
Relaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing Techniques.

Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 pm.

Class 13

The Stove/Oven --- What It Is and How It Is Used.
Live Demonstration.

Tuesdays at 6:00 pm
Location to be determined.

Upon completion of any of the above courses, diplomas will be issued to the survivors.

Twists on Proverbs

Oct 14, 2006 at 12:57 PM
1. Save the whales. Collect the whole set.

2. A day without sunshine is like....night.

3. On the other hand, you have different fingers.

4. Remember, half the people you know are below average.

5. He who laughs last thinks slowest.

6. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

7. Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.

8. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

9. How many of you believe in telekinesis?...Raise my hand.

10. OK...so what's the speed of dark?

11. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

12. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.

13. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?

14. What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

15. I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

16. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

17. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened.

18. Just remember---if the world didn't suck, we would all fall off.

19. Light travels faster than sound. That is why some people appear bright
until you hear them speak.

20. Life isn't like a box of chocolates....it's more like a jar of
jalapenos. What you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow.

coffee fanatic

Oct 11, 2006 at 4:56 PM


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You will need to highlight the above to get the gist ot it.

Joined a Yahoo Art Group

at 2:51 PM
I joined a art chat group locally. Any of you in Coos County Oregon who want to join, it's brand new.

Coos County Art Chat

Where there's smoke...

Oct 9, 2006 at 7:34 PM
Today I have been thinking about smoking, and what is it that makes it toxic.

Scientists studying smoking and the negative effects of it start with an assumption. Their assumption is that it is the chemicals in the cigarette smoke that are causing the negative effects.

What if it is not the chemicals that cause the effect, but the fact that the tobacco is irradiated that causes the damage?

Perhaps it is possible that lung cancer, like many cancers, is caused more often by the radiation process that the tobacco undergoes than the chemicals?




I think so.

Further proof backing up my hunch. It was recently discovered by a third party investigator that smoking only a few cigarettes a day can actually be beneficial to your health rather than negative. In some cases, people who habitually smoked only three cigarettes a day were healthier than non smokers and lived longer. However, if you smoked 1 a day or if you smoked 5, those numbers tanked out again - somehow three was an amount some bodies could handle easily.

Possible why?

Nicotinic acid - AKA niacin, was dicovered because it is in the nicotine in tobacco - and it has a natural anti-radiation effect. Niacin is a part of any good detoxification program, and any good radiation poisoning repair program.

It is possible that the reason why only smoking three cigarettes is not as harmful is because the body gets just enough nicotinic acid to combat the radiation a little better and not eough toxins to not be able to expel them properly.

Just my musings. I am not a scientific researcher, but I think it ties together some recent, baffling discoveries in this area and solves a few puzzles that smoking research has uncovered lately. It also would explain that lung caner does not respond as well to chemotherapy as other bodily cancers. Perhaps it is possible that it needs to be treated as other radiation-related cancers are treated.

Perhaps in 100 years, everyone will have discovered what I mention here today. I personally believe that radiation is the root cause of most lung cancers.

Since processed food became regularly irradiated, more and more people have developed colo-rectal cancers, which makes sense. When your body doesn't want a substance in it, it send it to the colo-rectal area. Leaving a radioactive substance in your colon for too long naturally will cause a cancer to form.

Same with cigarettes. Lung cancer has risen in rates, sky rocketing a few years after the irradiation of tobacco became standard procedure, and continuing to maintain those rates. Doctors say that the jump was from better diagnosis, but I personaly feel it has everything to do with the use of radiation in the treatment of items we use in and on our bodies.

Where there's smoke, there's radiation. If you smoke Marlboros, Camels, Kools, Virginia Slims, Benson and Hedges, generics or whatever - you're irradiating your lungs, which to me is even creepier than just filling yourself with toxins. There are only a few good ways to release radiation from the body and they are a heck of a lot more work than standard bodily cleanses - and rarely undertaken. Most of the time, a person with radiation poisioning feels weak, has weight fluxuations, gets a general depression and malais -- sounds like modern America to me.

So, avoid radiation in your daily life. Stay away from CRT tubes, from irradiated foods, from cigarettes and from the more obvious sources of radiation like dental fillings and toxic waste dumps.

For you die-hard smokers out there: the only brand you can buy in the USA that does not radiate their tobacco is the "American Spirit" organic cigarette brand - and that was the word on the street before they were bought up by Winston Salem or whoever.

But you should really just QUIT. You know why? You're addicted. Do you know the word root for the word "addict"? It's the Latin word "addicere" which means:

SLAVE

Dancer

Oct 6, 2006 at 9:47 PM

Latest oil pastel - took ten minutes. Purposefully skewed the real dimensions of a body. Amber loves it when I elongate and distort real human shapes, and this one was done for her.

Lizzy's baby

Oct 5, 2006 at 8:26 PM

Hi all.

Any of you who know my step-sister Liz, here's a picture of her with her newly created family.

They're visiting right now, so I'm getting lots of Auntie time.

Update on my weight

at 7:53 PM
I've lost 15 pounds of that weight I mentioned before. Working on the rest of it. Simple matter of exercise and eating well.

Free Hugs

at 7:50 PM
Watch this all the way til the end, it's awesome. Ha ha!

Song

at 1:11 AM
All Alone

All alone, I'm so all alone
There is no one else but you
All alone by the telephone
Waiting for a ring, a ting-a-ling

I'm all alone every evening
All alone, feeling blue
Wond'ring where you are and how you are
And if you are all alone too

I wonder where you are and how you are
And if you are all alone too

---------------

I can't sing this song ("All Alone" by Irving Berlin) without starting to cry - I never have been able to -- even when I wasn't lonely.

When you're lonely, truly lonely and not just starving for attention, there is an odd feeling to it that is something akin to despair and grief, but not quite the same. It is duller than grief, and less galling than despair. Whatever it is, "All Alone" captures that ineffable quality about loneliness with more accuracy than any other song I know.

In order to sing the song in the right key and with the proper tone and cadence, my throat has to open up to just the way it does right before a sob -- the kind you release unexpectedly. The whole song, once sung, feels like grief that has escaped my body and flown right out of my mouth along with the song. The song performs a magic trick on me, making me feel something and then release it in the last few words. It's just long enough to do this, and just short enough to make it powerful.

There is something so amazingly magical about that.

When singing a good song, I fill with the emotion of the song, the emotion that was captured by the songwriter and considered important enough to immortalize in musical words.

It's no wonder that so many religions throughout the ages have used song to pull the emotions out of their church members. Think of Jewish cantors, those monks, "Ave Maria", and rain dancers. Song does something to the soul, activates emotions where they otherwise would lie dormant. It makes people have to both communicate and release an aesthetic.

That in itself is a wonder.

I realized something about myself. The only thing I have done every day since I was born was sing. Of course, with the exception only of days with strep throat or the flu or something. I sing in the shower, I sing when doing dishes, I sing when I am walking around. I sing when the radio plays music. I sing when I'm sad, and I sing when I'm joyful. When I was in the womb, I was probably singing.

I think I will continue to sing every day of my life.