Cooped Out - but optimistic

Jun 17, 2006 at 11:26 PM

I'm exhausted. The twins and I just wrestled a roll of chicken wire loose from 5 foot tall grass, cleaned out the chicken coop and cut new chicken wire pieces for the windows. We did a bunch of hard outdoor work, and our little hands are tired.

Very satisfying, but HARD , work.

This is when I wish I had a big strong man around. Outside of that, I do pretty well for myself, overall. But there are some chores out here in the woods that I wish I had a male around for. No matter how hard life gets, I better wait for a better reason for looking for a new spouse than needing a farmhand.

On the other hand, maybe I should lower - er, simplify - my standards. My ideal man is extremely unlikely to suddenly show up and announce himself at my 6-miles-out-in-the-woods-from-a-kinda-remote-highway front porch.

I already have pretty high (some might say unrealistic) standards. I'm looking for a cross between Paul Bunyan, Paul Gauguin and Linus Pauling.

It just ain't gonna happen - at least not in the middle of the woods like this. Pickings are slimmer than usual out here in the 7th largest methamphetamine-producing county in the US of A.

At first, when I got here a year ago, I was really lonesome. I spent last winter unable to blog because of it - you know it's bad when you can't even BLOG.

Lately, I've noticed I'm getting better at taking care of myself. I can be alone without feeling like something is missing. It was always the sore spot in my personality: I hated being alone. That is very dangerous. I'm not exactly sure how or when, but at some point I slipped into my own skin - I got okay with it. It's strange, but very reassuring. Considering that I'm naturally a bit reclusive, I ought to be at least okay with it. I enjoy the feeling - it's a very positive change that has been happening while I wasn't looking. I actually think it started when I reviewed the Code of Honor.

Right about the same time this happened, I started having an urge to GROW, to prosper rather than merely exist. This is a sign that the condition my life is in is improving. I think the next step for me is a personal admin scale. I need to know what I need and want from myself. What better way than to completely chart it all out. I really feel it would be of benefit to me to work out on paper what the goals, purposes, plans and projects within my own life are. I want to write down what my ideal scene is and start actively working toward it. It's a very proactive solution to not being where you want to be in life. Otherwise, I'm just griping.

I hate whiners, I hate complaints - and I despise incompetence. So, if I'm not doing something about that which sucketh about my own life, then what AM I doing?