Real life is so five minutes ago

Dec 16, 2005 at 11:43 PM
For whatever reason, I have decided not to promote my blog, sell anything or try to get something out of you.

I want you to believe what I say, and I always take advice with a grain of salt when it comes from someone selling something.



The mall =

television ads for "Crazy eddie!" = flashy shaky animated banner ads

standing in line at the bank = waiting for your bank's site
to let you "skip intro"

Every nightclub flyer or homepage ever all rolled into one = MySpace

playing D&D in the basement = playing D&D at

The waiting room of a doctor's office
when the doctor is taking a nap = forums

The dude who mutters nonsense
to himself all day at the park = Comment spammer

Trying to talk to any real person
when calling any large company's
voicemail system = Trying to figure out how to send a real email using one of those forms
at nearly any large company's

Snake Oil Salesmen = Sites that say
"submit to 1,000 search engines!!!"

The local TV station promising
that if you place an ad with them,
customers will "stampede in" or
"bang down your door" = Someone saying that their $35.00 software can guarantee "number one
position in all search engines"

MLM = Link Farms

flea markets = ebay

get rick quick schemes = scraper sites

pet rocks, lava lamps = useless browser add-ons that make it look cool.

telemarketers who call you as you're leaving for work to sell you life insurance = spyware ads popping up while you're tryint to get started with work.

me = me

Huh... Interesting. I translate pretty well.