Real life is so five minutes ago

Dec 16, 2005 at 11:43 PM
For whatever reason, I have decided not to promote my blog, sell anything or try to get something out of you.

I want you to believe what I say, and I always take advice with a grain of salt when it comes from someone selling something.

OK

REAL LIFE - WEB EQUIVALENT

The mall = shopping.yahoo.com


television ads for "Crazy eddie!" = flashy shaky animated banner ads



standing in line at the bank = waiting for your bank's site
to let you "skip intro"



Every nightclub flyer or homepage ever all rolled into one = MySpace



playing D&D in the basement = playing D&D at wizards.com



The waiting room of a doctor's office
when the doctor is taking a nap = forums



The dude who mutters nonsense
to himself all day at the park = Comment spammer



Trying to talk to any real person
when calling any large company's
voicemail system = Trying to figure out how to send a real email using one of those forms
at nearly any large company's
website



Snake Oil Salesmen = Sites that say
"submit to 1,000 search engines!!!"



The local TV station promising
that if you place an ad with them,
customers will "stampede in" or
"bang down your door" = Someone saying that their $35.00 software can guarantee "number one
position in all search engines"


MLM = Link Farms



flea markets = ebay


get rick quick schemes = scraper sites



pet rocks, lava lamps = useless browser add-ons that make it look cool.


telemarketers who call you as you're leaving for work to sell you life insurance = spyware ads popping up while you're tryint to get started with work.


me = me



Huh... Interesting. I translate pretty well.

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